Exploring Chaos

March 9, 2012
by Kyla
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Hiatus & a new home

I’ve been unsure what to do about this place for a long time now, I’ve never really felt comfortable turning Exploring Chaos into a parenting blog.

I love this place, I’ve found some of the most amazing women, you girls supported my journey even when we were lucky enough to get our natural miracle and you cheered us on through pregnancy, IVF attempts and failed cycles. I love the community I’ve found here and I’ll still be reading along and cheering your successes, commiserating when things don’t work out – I just won’t be here.

I need a place where I feel like it’s ok to write about the joy (and frustration) of parenting. I’m not deleting this place, not migrating the feeds or changing my twitter name (although I won’t be using the @exploringchaos account for a while). We will cycle again one day and I’ll no doubt start posting here again it but until then I’ll be focussing on the joy we do have rather than what is missing from our lives.

If you want to follow the rest of our journey join us at our new home: threequartersfull.com or email me using the contact page for my personal facebook link to add me there.

February 2, 2012
by Kyla
5 Comments

Three is a Magic Number

Tuesday I picked up the phone and called my clinic. Right up until the last minute I wasn’t entirely sure which way the call would go; would I book in for another cycle or would I take a longer break.

Neither happened, I asked for a refund.

I didn’t expect it, it wasn’t at all what I planned to say and for an instant I wanted to grab the words with my hands and shove them back into my mouth but the sense of relief that settled over me suddenly made me feel calmer, lighter, taller. It was unplanned but undeniably the right thing to say.

I’m done.

Truly done.

My heart aches and I’m not sure that’s ever going away but three is a good number, my little family is everything and I am so blessed to have been given one little miracle, I’m ok with just us three.

I’m mid-cycle so now I wait for the red witch, she’s due eight years almost to the day from the date we first had unprotected sex. On that day I’ll take my first contraceptive pill and soon after I’ll be able to have sex with my husband just for the sake of having sex with no thought of the possibility of pregnancy.

I’ve spent so much of my adult life worrying about my fertility and trying to get pregnant. At 18 I was told I would never have children and I went off the pill, at almost 23 my (now) husband and I decided not to bother with condoms. I’m 31 in March. Eight years of cycling in some form or other, minus of course the year I was pregnant and nursing. That’s 84-odd cycles that ended in tears.

Three is a good number. I can be ok with three.

January 30, 2012
by Kyla
3 Comments

A dash of 50’s housewife – Cupcakes in Ice Cream Cones

I love to bake and I would do it a lot more often if there was a way for me to ensure the fruits of my labour stayed the hell out of my mouth. Willpower is not my friend, especially when confronted with tasty treats.

My adoration of baking (and that fact that I’m quite good at it) means that I’m often asked to make cakes for birthdays and events. Which is fine, great even, if it wasn’t for the fact that each year something bigger and better is requested. Which kinda sucks since I am not a good cake decorator, I’m not artistic in the slightest so while I can make something taste pretty lovely it’s a stretch for me to make it look all that good.

So this year for Dexter’s birthday, instead of topping last years train cake I decided to go with good tasting but simple cupcakes in ice cream cones. Sounds complex, right but it’s super easy and since more than one person asked me how to do it here’s a very quick tutorial.

Chocolate Cupcakes in Ice Cream Cones
You will need:
A double quantity of your favourite moist cake batter
24 Ice Cream Cones
1 tub Betty Crocker Vanilla Frosting***
Toppings of your choice
Pour batter into cones, bake at 160 for around 20 minutes (until skewer comes clean), cool, frost & decorate. Easy Peasy.
*** ok so technically using ready made frosting is cheating but honestly I rarely make my own frosting anymore if all I require is a Vanilla base, the Betty Crocker Vanilla one is tasty (really, I have on more than one occasion been caught by my husband eating a spoonful of it – and yes I know how gross that is) and it’s super easy to use. The chocolate frosting is gross though, if you’re using anything other than Vanilla make your own.

Today would have been the due date of our twins, it’s a sad day and I always cook when I’m upset so I started todays pity party with a slight variation:

Super Adult Tea Party Version – Because why should the kids have all the fun?

- add chopped hazelnuts to cake batter
- add Frangelico to the frosting
- make up a quantity of whipped cream with vanilla seeds and Frangelico to pipe into the cupcakes before frosting
- decorate with chocolate shavings

and, most importantly:
- serve with a Frangelico Martini (equal parts Frangelico, White Creme de Cacao & Vodka)